Father’s rights have been the miracle that saved their children from horrible mothers for so many dad’s. Yet father’s rights have also lead many children to be subjected to various forms of domestic violence. The laws need to be adjusted.
I agree wholeheartedly that there are great dads who deserve father’s rights like my current hubby. His 2 children from a previous relationship are much better off because he is part of their lives. However how have we gotten to a point as a society where father’s rights have caused domestic violence to be ignored because a mom choose to be with the guy?
How is this in the best interests of the children?
A little bit of background about my case.
My ex and I have a custody arrangement that isn’t really working anymore. It states that Our daughter goes with her dad from 7pm Friday till 7am Monday or start of school. When she was in preschool and started at 12pm this worked fine. She is now in kindergarten and goes in at 7:38am.
Her school is at least 45 mins away from dads house with morning traffic. As his compromise he was letting me pick her up at 5 am in order to “get her ready for school to my standards.” I didn’t realize wanting your daughter to go to school showered and brushed was such a high standard.
Hygiene and Father’s Rights
My co-parent has not made our little girl brush her teeth or hair in months. He is only 30 and has already lost several teeth. I brush her teeth twice a day at least. He caused our five year old to need 7 crowns on her back teeth. She doesn’t even have many teeth yet. That was almost half. That amount of work is ridiculous for a 5 year old. I filed for a change in custody because of these two factors.
Fighting Against Father’s Rights
Because my co-parent hadn’t completed the first part of co-parenting classes it didn’t matter that I had. I was not able to complete my co-parenting classes without him first complying with the Part A. I was also supposed to take parenting classes on my own which I didn’t do because I knew he wouldn’t either.
This was a mistake on my part which I won’t make again. The mediator said she wasn’t going to recommend the order change because neither of us was taking the order seriously. He hadn’t completed any of his anger management or parenting or co-parenting and I had failed to do the regular parenting.
Please if you need custody be sure to take every possible portion of the court order seriously so the courts take you seriously.
Father Of The Year
When I arrived there this morning at 5 am (luckily we had a court date scheduled for today) I called to no answer and knocked for 15 mins before his brother answered the door and let me in the house.
My “co-parent” was passed out drunk and naked, with just a bit of blanket covering his genitals, sleeping next to my 5 year old daughter.
I tried to wake him up but he couldn’t be stirred. My daughter woke up and said “mommy!” when I tried to stir him. Normally she takes sometime to get up out of bed and she was up super quick. This tells you a bit of how her night was. I told her to get herself ready to go home with mommy and she put her stuff together.
Quickly I snapped a picture of the empty alcohol bottle he had on his dresser for court. I wish I could have gotten a picture of my co-parent to take to court as well but his brother was standing right there.
Do try to document what you can every time if you have to deal with anything similar.
I had my daughter try to get him up again but she told me he was sad because he got scratches on his face. I then peaked in to see that he had gotten in some kind of fight because there were fingernail marks all over his face and shoulders. When she tried to wake him up to say she was leaving he seemed to get startled a bit but didn’t rouse.
I shook him and said “I am taking Amelia” he said “fuck bitch fucking fuck” yelled our daughters name twice as if he had lost he on a hike and was panicked then passed back out.
My poor daughter looked at me scared and put a finger to his mouth trying to shhh him. I had seen that look she gave me before. That was her Uh-Oh mom is watching look. I hate thinking that my 5 year old feels as if she has to protect and take care of her 30 year old father.
I had Amelia go potty real quick and we left for home.
In The Best Interests Of My Daughter
On the car ride I set my phone to record and asked my daughter about her night. She told me that her daddy didn’t want to put his clothes on last night. My daughter had tried to make him put on some underwear but he didn’t want to.
She also said that he kept talking crazy and so she would run super fast and lock herself in the bathroom because he was so loud. My Baby stood in there with the lights off and the door locked so daddy didn’t know where she was and he couldn’t get her. She would wait till he fell back asleep and then she went back to bed.
No wonder she woke up so fast. She probably didn’t sleep all night. Which was even more apparent later that day. About 5pm we hopped in the car to visit her favorite family members and she fell asleep. I couldn’t wake her up the whole time we were there and she also slept all night.
She Is Just Like Me
I am glad my daughter is tough as nails and instinctively knew what to do but also hate how much like me she is sometimes too. When I was with my ex I used to try and protect him and hide his shortcomings from others. Now my baby is doing the same for the same man except I made him her father.
I dropped her off at school and took off to court. Luckily not many sides were ready to go so I was only the 3rd case to be heard. The judge asked me if I expected the other party there. I told her I did until that morning. I told her what I had witnessed and showed her the picture and gave her the copy of a restraining order I already had against him.
Mediators Are A Waste Of Time
She looked at the mediators report and said well this won’t work. When she looked up the case on the restraining order he had also skipped out on his work release and therefore had a warrant out for his arrest as well. With everything she saw she told me they wanted to talk to my daughter and I had to send the other party some court papers about future court dates and that she was granting me temporary sole legal and physical custody.
I was so upset that day but I kept my cool when speaking with the judge, which is one way to show them respect, and presented my evidence as calmly as I could. It worked out but I am sure I will still have a long road ahead of me.
When Father’s Rights causes claims of domestic violence to not even be investigated it doesn’t only hurt the children. It also hurts the system. Good Dad’s have to fight everyday while horrible fathers are granted chance after chance.
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